Have you ever felt so helpless... Because your feelings decided to grow its own limbs and run around your whole brain? I can literally feel mini explosions of emotions within me. Do you call that... my emotions are bursting at its seams?
Every time a random memory strikes me, it shatters my heart instantly. I don't want to think about you. I don't want to miss somebody. I hate missing people, it just feels so horrible. And I hate how there aren't many people I can tell things to. Actually, I have a handful. But most of the times, I just want to rant a little, be emotional about it and hope nobody asks. I detest explaining to people. I feel like I'm a burden. I feel like I'm more vulnerable as time goes by.
I remember a period of time I was utterly depressed and constantly built walls around me. I didn't let anybody in; I didn't let anybody break those mental barriers down. I kept everything to myself. I would be despondent most of the time; swimming in my own crucible of grief, constantly drowning myself. It was so scary. You probably never thought such a loud and cheerful person like me could have had those days. But you have to know.... I'm always chipper and happy in front of people. But when I'm left alone with my thoughts, it's a completely different matter.
Months, I've tried moving on and all. I tried to get over the emotions. But I didn't realise that the sadness never went away, the feelings still lingered on.
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Sorry for such an emotional post. I promise I'll be alright... soon. I hope.
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