Suffocating

This has to be the most hectic period of my life. Everything is going haywire, nothing is going well. Everyone is pressing me. Everyone is expecting the best out of me. But with so much on my plate right at this very moment, how can I possibly invest my 100% on everyone and everything I do? You must know I'm a horrible person. I can't excel because I am never good enough or meant to be. I'll always be the one with mediocre or with worse performance. I'll always be the one screwing up. I'll always be the one at fault. Can't complain if people start to get unhappy with me due to my lack of efficiency. Because I deserve it.

Just listed out all of my problems to my bff. I realized quitting school would solve 90% of them. And dying, 100%.

Unimportant

I don't know why but I can't stop crying tonight. Maybe that sparked off everything, and the buildup of sadness decided to spill out in the form of teardrops. And at intervals. Because whenever I stop crying, 5min later my tear ducts would be "OH JK here comes round (n+1)". I'm feeling so horrible every night lately. Would you believe me if I told you I feel like dying everyday, and I'm not even kidding. I'm not saying this to attract attention because nobody really knows this. And I doubt anybody reads my blog so I'm just gonna vent it all here. I know it's unhealthy to be feeling this way. Sometimes I wonder if I'm suffering from (mild) depression. I feel so useless as a human being all the time. What's the point of living, really? Nobody gives a shit about me too. If I'd died it wouldn't make any difference. Or maybe my GP tutor would be a little sad since he would have to appoint a whole new rep + the fact that a part of the GP fund is with me.

Fuck life.

I don't even have mood to celebrate my 18th birthday. Which is coming in... 10 days. I don't care anymore. I used to be excited till you sent my hopes crashing down.

K I'm not celebrating. There's no point.

Inspired

I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel oh so inspired at this unearthly hour. I want to paint I want to doodle I want to finish a page off my Wreck This Journal. I want to immerse myself in beautiful things like art, books and undiscovered places.

I really want to read a good book right now to tame down my feels; I just wanna feel. I haven't been emoting well the past few days. Everything whirred by in a blur and I can't even appreciate the beauty of simple things till I start getting occupied by irrelevant matters.

“Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn’t carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life.”

—	Stephen King.

I need a book. I need to read so bad.

The only place I can go to is Tumblr.

Sometimes I feel that the advancement of technology is moulding this world into a sad, sad place. You seek solace through this giant online community, yet nothing in there can really fill in this void inside your heart.