who knew?

I am feeling a myriad of emotions. I grew tired of confiding because they're all just the same few problems. i grew tired of telling them. I grew tired of finding someone who really cares enough to hear them. or maybe I wasn't tired. I won't be tired for the one person I want to tell it to. but I'm just like that. I can't just trust you and tell you something that's been bothering me. I hate how people assume I trust easily because I make friends easily. 

remember: the most easy-going and friendliest people trust the least. don't you realise you never really know what they're thinking about? you don't really know how they're like when they're alone before they sleep? how they really genuinely feel about things? 

think. just think. how well do you know me? how much of me did I ever reveal to you? if you think you know me enough by talking to me day and night for consecutively 5 months, you thought wrong. 

you cease to know me entirely. and that will always be the case. for I keep my true self only for the worthy. and to fully know every inch of my life, my thoughts and myself, it might take a decade, or a lifetime. I don't tell anyone everything. even my best friends. I only create a personality mould for people to see and not to understand. I've immersed myself in this facade so much it's part of my whole living. I can't tear this mask off. I can't. I can't. I really can't. 

somebody, anybody, fix me.

I only act tough and independent just so I really want to be found.